New post
woke up to find Yuki laying near the edge of the bed, and thought, He doesn't normally do that, and was worried that if I moved my legs or did an extreme, just-waking-up style of stretch that I would kick him off the bed, but that didn't happen. I wobbled to the bathroom, turned on the light, and scanned the room in a "my morning routine" fashion, scanning for insects and spiders on the floor or on the ceiling even though I probably almost have never encountered a frightening insect or other "creepy-crawly" in the bathroom and probably just have ptsd from living the basement of my parent's house.
after urinating I tore off approximately five sheets of toilet paper to blow my nose, after which I wadded up the used tissue and formed a firm, wrinkly cone to shove into my nose in order to complete my daily all-encompassing morning nostril emptying routine. I inserted the cone of toilet paper and rotated my wrists and sometimes rotated the toilet paper 360-degrees while it was in each nostril. I removed the toilet paper and then flushed it down the toilet.
after washing my hands, I walked down the stairs and opened my MacBook to begin contemplating about writing. I briefly considered opening the Pages app to just start typing, but considered the possibility of creating a blog, or a website, or a secret internet diary. I wondered what that point of writing privately in the Pages app was. currently, I am still thinking about this. For example, the "risk" of "exposure" or "recognition" is low if I write privately in the Pages app. I explained these concerns to an AI chatbot and asked for a recommendation.
After receiving approximately four or five recommendations, (I just pressed cmd-a followed by cmd-c on my keyboard in a I-hope-this-blogging-platform-saves-drafts-automatically type of way out of fear of losing "progress" on this blog post) I "discovered" Bear Blog and decided that, currently, this platform might be best suited for my "needs."
I paid for the "premium" version of this platform using the payment service provided and finished the transaction using Apple Pay, hoping to create some form of accountability that will incentivize me to use this website more and continue my writing journey.
heard Sam-waking-up noises coming from upstairs and anxiety increased slightly, wondering if he will ask me what I am doing or why I am typing on my MacBook. wondering if people will feel weird about me after reading what I have written, but I hope everyone who might read it understands that what I am typing is just coming up in my head and I am typing these thoughts in a "mind-emptying" way, like voiding your stomach or emptying your bowels.
I am switching tabs periodically to ask the AI chatbot various questions, an example of which being "how else can I say 'type of way,'" considering that I think I have said "type of way" or some alternative of that phrase a few times while typing this post, and the website seems to be lagging in that way that websites lag when they lack a use-hardware-acceleration option. in my mind a use-hardware-acceleration option would eliminate any potential lag and ensure speedy use of an AI chatbot.
considering eliminating personal use of AI chatbots for fear of "descending into madness" or becoming a "vegetable" or a "boomer" who uses AI chatbots as a substitute for actual critical thinking or personal connection with other human beings. primarily I have come to this train of thought because of the lag I have experienced when trying to obtain information from this particular chatbot. I operate on an efficiency-first mindset maybe 75% of the time and a convenience-first mindset maybe 25% of the time. unsure if that ratio is correct and will probably think about it regularly for the rest of the day, wondering if those figures should be adjusted.